At some point of our life we all have been in relationships where we have felt that others have taken advantage of our simplicity, honesty, politeness; people have benefitted from us physically, emotionally or financially.
It is quite impossible to find a person who has not been through such a situation or relationships in life. But what matters is the frequency of these events. When these event are rare, they are easily forgiven and forgotten. Then what happens when such events keep repeating in our lives frequently? They leave us feeling depressed, lethargic, with painful memories and horrifying stories to share.
It is very depressing to be in a manipulated relationship, relationships which make you feel like puppets dancing to the tune and music played by others, where your voice and wishes are never heard, where you end up living and sacrificing for building others lives and dream houses.
Such sacrificing partners or relatives or givers may win "Wow" from the audience, and the person living such a life might look as a "Real Man" or " Real Woman" in the big screen or the reel world- but in reality such relationships are known as Toxic relationships- where people take undue advantage of the so called "Nice" person. It looks like the so called " Nice person" is there meant to be exploited and robbed- because he has not learnt to draw boundaries. It is good to be nice, but it is more important to know the difference between being nice and being used, being loved and being exploited, being caring and being submissive to others unhealthy demands .
In such relationship the exploiter is not the only one who is to be blamed - but also the one being exploited. Because, the exploiter knows which button to push or which string to pull but the one being exploited does not want to acknowledge that his string is being pulled by others.
Have you ever met someone who has through his words and actions just induced you to doing things what he wants you to do. Who has a huge fan base, fan- followers? And people just close their eyes follow him without questioning - its what they call faith and trust.
Majority of our so called "spiritual teachers " of today , fall in this category. I would not say all of them qualify to be called as manipulator - because still there are people out in this world who carry out service activities for the betterment and welfare of mankind. But it is very easy to fall prey in name of religion and spirituality in the hands of the "God-men" "Religious Priests" etc when we are lead to believe and do many things out of faith and trust for betterment of our family, or for a bigger cause.
Many political leaders thrive resultant of this blind faith. How can we forget someone like "Hitler" or even Saddam Husain- who left the world bewildered by their ruthless behavior, and disregard for the rights and dignity of other human beings, the only reason they survived was because there were people who believed in them and blindly carried out their commands, totally unaware of the repercussion of the evil being done.
When a husband or wife turns out to be such a manipulator in a married relationship, the other half ends up being exhausted or being used. Their life is spent trying to pacify the needs and wishes of their partner, without any appreciation from the other end. Such a relationship is in rut.
We also come across relationships that are parasitic relationships. Parasitic relationships are those in which one uses the other to get what they want.
The so called " Love relationships" of modern times - where people make friendship or date a girl or a boy just to be noticed in company of someone beautiful, or handsome, to be acceptable in social circle of friends, to have the privilege of SEX without commitment or marriage, to have some one pay for their shopping bills, telephone bills, or even food bills are instances of parasitic relationships.
A new trend found among college students is also making friendship with some one who is very nice and friendly to the opposite sex, not out of love and affection for that person, but with a selfish interest of getting closer to some other person in that group; or rebounding immediately after a break- up not out of love but just to make their Ex feel jealous.
The so called " Love relationships" of modern times - where people make friendship or date a girl or a boy just to be noticed in company of someone beautiful, or handsome, to be acceptable in social circle of friends, to have the privilege of SEX without commitment or marriage, to have some one pay for their shopping bills, telephone bills, or even food bills are instances of parasitic relationships.
A new trend found among college students is also making friendship with some one who is very nice and friendly to the opposite sex, not out of love and affection for that person, but with a selfish interest of getting closer to some other person in that group; or rebounding immediately after a break- up not out of love but just to make their Ex feel jealous.
We also come across parasitic relationships in the corporate world, in film industry where relationship are made to climb up the ladder. It is also a very common scene in lower class families where we find male addicted to alcohol, gambling, and other vices breed like blood sucking bugs on the earnings and savings of their mothers; sisters and wife. These men also have a tendency of threatening their partners of moving on to another relationships if their demand for sex, money or alcohol is not fulfilled. It is important to recognize if you are in a parasitic relationship and to learn to say "Stop" before the parasite could destroy the host completely for its own survival.
There are few relationships which are very Dramatic. Extremes of emotions is what rules such relationships. The dramatist resorts to hitting, abusing his partner , creating a scene as if the world is ending, but very next hour mellows down and expect his partner to act as if nothing transpired between them. They force their partners to behave normal-after such outburst of emotions , at times they threaten them further of committing suicide, cutting their wrists, or killing themselves, if their outburst of emotion is not accepted as normal or forgiven by their partner, These kind of individuals will never understand any kind of justification or reasoning to the partners action. Such relationships survive only on the fear created by the Dramatist- the one who can scream, cry , misbehave loud, and attract attention wins and forces others to do things exactly he wants to be done. There is no choice in such relationship but to succumb to the demands of the Dramatist . Many parents, children and spouse use such emotional dramas to achieve their ends.
How much ever we love or care for our parent, child , spouse, or friend it is important to learn to balance, to learn to say "Enough " . It is also important to recognize and acknowledge such toxic relationships and put every effort to untangle ourselves free.
